Last night you told me you love me several times. Last night you wished me a good night. Last night I wished it never ends. Last night I was the happiest girl in the world. Last night I told you I love you. But last night was the last.
I never thought of falling in love not until I became eighteen. Thought of being alone scared me a lot. I’m eighteen but I’ve never been into a relationship since the day I was born. I was hopeless romantic. I believed that someday I will find my prince charming. I read romantic novels with the hope that someday someone will love me. I dreamed of being in bed cuddling with a guy with blurry face. I want to be loved.
But my search for my prince charming turned to be a desperate move for me to experience being in love. I met him in a website that allows you to talk with strangers. Our conversation lasted for 2 hours. Nobody wanted to leave that’s why we decided to make a common interest so that we would be able to chat again. We also decided to remain strangers. That was my idea. I was inspired by a Thai film wherein two strangers fall in love with each other (The title was Hello Stranger).
The next day, I went online on the site. For three minutes, we were already connected. We chatted for almost 3 hours. Talking nonsense stuff which we both enjoyed. He asked for my number. I didn’t give him since I had no plan of talking to him other than on that site. Instead he gave me his number. I promised to text him the next day but I never did. I thought it would be the last conversation we would ever have. But he requested me to chat with him again next day. I agreed since I have nothing to lose. We were strangers and I had nothing to do since it’s summer. After our third conversation I decided to text him. He replied immediately. And the rest was history.
I wanted to end this fuss between us because I didn’t have any plan of meeting him in person. My first attempt failed because he insisted to continue everything we had started. I agreed since I have nothing to lose. I lied everything about me just to hide my real identity. I already knew him. For the following days, we became more comfortable with each other. We decided to call each other “bestfriend”. We stayed late every night just to hear each other’s voices. It lasted for almost 2 weeks. I found myself smiling for no reason. I found myself checking my phone every now and then. His sweet messages made my heart beat faster than it used to be. His voice made me feel secured. I had a crush on him. But I told myself this has to end. I don’t want to meet my prince charming in a website. I don’t want to fall in love with him.
One night I called. I told him everything between us has to end. That I don’t want to meet him in person. That everything I said was lie. I never thought he’s going to tell me everything about him. How horrible his life is. How bad his father is. How fuck up he is. I cried over the phone. I wanted to hug him tight and tell him everything’s gonna be okay. I wanted to kiss him tenderly and tell him that I’m just here for him no matter what. My second attempt of ending everything failed again.
I fall in love with him after that conversation we had. He was strong to overcome all those challenges against him. I don’t want to leave him alone. But the thought that along with love comes pain hits me so much. What if he’ll never accept what I look? What if he’ll leave me alone instead of me leaving him alone. The thought is heartbreaking. But I chose to take the risk.
Last night I told him everything about me. Last night I told him the truth behind my lies. Last night I agreed to meet him in person. Last night I was really happy because I thought he accepted me despite everything. Last night I thought of never caring what other people think. Last night I was so sure that I love him. Last night I said I love you to a boy for the first time. Last night he told me he loves me so much. But last night was the last.
The next day he didn’t text anything in the morning. No more “good morning bestfriend, eat your breakfast”. I was badly hurt. I thought he’s going to end everything. Until he texted “hi” in the afternoon. I didn’t respond. I decided to end it. He’s not my prince charming, I know.