Last Night, I Fall in Love with a Stranger

Last night you told me you love me several times. Last night you wished me a good night. Last night I wished it never ends. Last night I was the happiest girl in the world. Last night I told you I love you. But last night was the last.

I never thought of falling in love not until I became eighteen. Thought of being alone scared me a lot. I’m eighteen but I’ve never been into a relationship since the day I was born. I was hopeless romantic. I believed that someday I will find my prince charming. I read romantic novels with the hope that someday someone will love me. I dreamed of being in bed cuddling with a guy with blurry face. I want to be loved.

But my search for my prince charming turned to be a desperate move for me to experience being in love. I met him in a website that allows you to talk with strangers. Our conversation lasted for 2 hours. Nobody wanted to leave that’s why we decided to make a common interest so that we would be able to chat again. We also decided to remain strangers. That was my idea. I was inspired by a Thai film wherein two strangers fall in love with each other (The title was Hello Stranger).

The next day, I went online on the site. For three minutes, we were already connected. We chatted for almost 3 hours. Talking nonsense stuff which we both enjoyed. He asked for my number. I didn’t give him since I had no plan of talking to him other than on that site. Instead he gave me his number. I promised to text him the next day but I never did. I thought it would be the last conversation we would ever have. But he requested me to chat with him again next day. I agreed since I have nothing to lose. We were strangers and I had nothing to do since it’s summer. After our third conversation I decided to text him. He replied immediately. And the rest was history.

I wanted to end this fuss between us because I didn’t have any plan of meeting him in person. My first attempt failed because he insisted to continue everything we had started. I agreed since I have nothing to lose. I lied everything about me just to hide my real identity. I already knew him. For the following days, we became more comfortable with each other. We decided to call each other “bestfriend”. We stayed late every night just to hear each other’s voices. It lasted for almost 2 weeks. I found myself smiling for no reason. I found myself checking my phone every now and then. His sweet messages made my heart beat faster than it used to be. His voice made me feel secured. I had a crush on him. But I told myself this has to end. I don’t want to meet my prince charming in a website. I don’t want to fall in love with him.

One night I called. I told him everything between us has to end. That I don’t want to meet him in person. That everything I said was lie. I never thought he’s going to tell me everything about him. How horrible his life is. How bad his father is. How fuck up he is. I cried over the phone.  I wanted to hug him tight and tell him everything’s gonna be okay. I wanted to kiss him tenderly and tell him that I’m just here for him no matter what. My second attempt of ending everything failed again.

I fall in love with him after that conversation we had. He was strong to overcome all those challenges against him. I don’t want to leave him alone. But the thought that along with love comes pain hits me so much. What if he’ll never accept what I look? What if he’ll leave me alone instead of me leaving him alone. The thought is heartbreaking. But I chose to take the risk.

Last night I told him everything about me. Last night I told him the truth behind my lies. Last night I agreed to meet him in person. Last night I was really happy because I thought he accepted me despite everything. Last night I thought of never caring what other people think. Last night I was so sure that I love him. Last night I said I love you to a boy for the first time. Last night he told me he loves me so much. But last night was the last.

The next day he didn’t text anything in the morning. No more “good morning bestfriend, eat your breakfast”. I was badly hurt. I thought he’s going to end everything. Until he texted “hi” in the afternoon. I didn’t respond. I decided to end it. He’s not my prince charming, I know.

The Selection Series

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When I was still a kid, I always dream of becoming a princess. I always let my parents buy me a crown and beautiful dresses so that I would look like a princess. I always dream of having a price charming. This idea of my childhood dream came from a bunch of Disney fairy tale stories such as Snow White, Rapunzel, and Cinderella. When I was still a kid, my mom always told me these stories during bed time. I was really fascinated and I admired how beautiful those princesses are. When Prince William and Kate Middleton got married, I got hope with my dream too since Kate is a commoner just like I. However, I realized that Kate is a beautiful commoner, while I’m not.

My friend suggested this series to me. I got excited because the plot is not an ordinary royal story. Since I dream of becoming a princess, I was really excited to read about it. I’m not really fun of reading book series, but The Selection Series is an exemption.

The first book was far beyond amazing. It talk about how America Singer made it’s way to the Selection of the Prince’s wife. I won’t spoil you with the details of the book of course. America, is a five or third to the last caste in the story. She was in love with Aspen, a six. However, their love story was a secret since America’s parents wanted her to marry a man in upper class. When America received a letter for the Selection, she never wanted to sign up. But Aspen convinced her to give it a try. America got selected and the night before she went to the palace, Aspen broke up with her. In the palace, along with other 34 girls, America met Maxon, the Prince of Illea. That’s the start of their challenging love story.

In the second book, Maxon fell in love with America so deeply. For this reason, America got included in the Elite along with other five girls. However, America wasn’t still sure with her feelings with Maxon because of Aspen.

On the third book, America was chosen as Maxon’s wife and Queen of Illea despite what Maxon found out between her and Aspen. They got married at the end of the book.

What I like about this book is its setting. It was mentioned that the story took place after the World War 4. Upon reading the story, it was like I got a glimpse of what the future would look like after China invades the America. It’s funny how everything in the present was gone, from the computers to other technology products. The caste system was also implemented during that time. Instead of a president, they have King and Queen. It’s like the future went back to the past system. However, not everything was removed during that time. There were still jeans which is popular today. I also like the kind of love triangle in this story. However, it’s quote unbelievable to fall in love with someone in just few months and unlove someone you’ve been with for 2 years. Well, I guess love is really that magical.

I can’t say anything more. I just love the series! I’m looking forward of reading The Heir. I need to buy the book and have Keirra Cass sign it on September! But I need to save money first.

Four Ways to Relax for a Short while

(c) ihomeremedy.net
(c) ihomeremedy.net

Each one of us is busy with our own lives. Everyday is a survival to continue living in this world. We are busy with our works. We are busy with school. We are busy with our family and friends. As a matter of fact, life on Earth is already predetermined. We wake up, we go to work or school, spend most of our time there, we eat, and we go home very tired. With this everyday process, it’s hard for us to find time to relax. To breath out. To get away from our busy schedules. Sometimes, sleep is not enough for us to gain again our motivation in surviving this world. But I know some techniques of relaxation which only require short period of time . I’ll bring you fours ways of relaxation which I learned from my Learning Theories class last semester.

Before doing any of these techniques. It is very important to clear your mind from any thoughts while you are closing your eyes. Imagine that your are the only person in the surrounding.

1. Shavasana Technique

This relaxation is usually used for cancer patients. In this relaxation technique, close your eyes, and then breath in. Count 1 to 7 slowly and then breath out. Continue doing this process until you’re already relax and ready to get back to whatever you’re doing.

2. Benson Technique

This is the simplest way of relaxation. In this technique, first close your eyes, breath in, and then breath out. While breathing out, say the word “one” or any one syllable word you’re comfortable to use. Continue doing this process until you feel relax.

3. Autogenics Training

This one is my favorite form of relaxation. In this process, close your eyes. Imagine a beautiful place you want to visit. Imagine a stress-free place. It could be in line with nature wherein you imagine yourself in a paradise with green surroundings. You’re enjoying the sound of birds singing and the music of falling water. It could also a place where you’re comfortable to stays or you’re comfort zone. It could be anything you want as long as you feel relax while exploring your imagination in that place. This is also a form of self hypnosis.

4. Jacobson Technique

This technique involves your muscles. When your eyes hurt from reading all your required articles to read, close your eyes with a little pressure, hold them for a while and then let go. When your hands hurt from writing, just gently clench your hands, hold for a while, and let go. You can do this with other parts of your body.

It is important to know that the effectivity of these techniques still lies on you. Clear your mind from any stressful thoughts before doing any of these techniques. Always remember that mind is always superior with the body. If you keep on ruminating all your problems, your body will be in pain which leads to stress. Our body is can only do limited things. After all we are all humans, we get tired. No matter how much we strive hard, if we don’t take good care of our body all our efforts will be put in vain. Sometimes, it is really important to find time to breath out.

Eleanor & Park

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“Nothing before you counts. And I can’t even imagine an after…”

I always believe in destiny. I always believe that in this wide world with billions of people, someone out there is actually meant for you. People always tell me that love is a choice. You got to choose someone to love and be with you for the rest of your life. But still I believe that love is a destiny. On the right time, someone who’s right for you will come in to your life and take your heart forever. It’s just a matter of time.

I was completely bored in my room when I decided to ask my classmate, Kara, to suggest a good book to read in any genre. She suggested several books to me. I asked whether I already read Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell. I said not yet. She then insisted to read it because she really liked it. Due to his enthusiasm with the book, I decided to read it. I first looked in google what this book is all about. Of course I didn’t dig in to the whole story since I don’t what spoilers.

The story was all about two teenagers who were completely opposite. Eleanor was fat, with red hair, and wore boy clothes. She just moved in to his stepdad’s place together with her mother and four siblings. Eleanor’s life was a complete mess since her mother met her stepdad. On her way to school, Eleanor rode the school bus where in she met Park. Park is a half Korean, half Irish who has a complete and happy family. However, Park struggled to be someone he is not for his father to like him. Their common interest in music and books made these opposite ends meet. They fall in love with each other like there’s no more tomorrow despite what other people thought of them. However, their love story was greatly challenged when Eleanor needed to live away from Park in order to get away with his stepdad.

Well, Eleanor & Park is my new favorite book now. It was beyond amazing. It was more of a teenage love story. It’s all about family, life, and how parents’ separation affects their children a lot. What I like about this book also is that it was different from cliche love stories where the famous guy falls in love with a pretty nobody girl and they live happily ever after. In this story, Eleanor is not famous and she’s not one of the it girls in school. Park is not famous too, he was even an Asian which is interesting since not all American books involve Asian protagonist.

After reading the book, I totally had a book hangover. I can’t stop thinking of Eleanor and Park. Their story and what could be the possible thing that happened next keep on running in my mind. Even in my sleep, I always dream of them reading comics in the bus and listening to music. At first I thought I won’t like this book since it was written in third person (I like to read books in first person), but I was completely a judgmental reader. The narrator brought me in the world of Eleanor and Park and I think I stuck in that world.

The book made me believe in destiny more than before. As a hopeless romantic, I hope to meet someone like Park somewhere on this planet. Someone who will love you for who you are. Someone who won’t let you change yourself for others. Someone who’s willing to do everything for you. I won’t spoil you happened in the ending. Go read it for your self 🙂

You’re Not Ugly!

(c) Delawer-Omar
(c) Delawer-Omar

They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. In order for a woman to be beautiful, she must perceive herself as beautiful. It is indeed true that beauty is everything in this society. Women strive hard to achieve the perfect looks. Who doesn’t want to be beautiful? With beauty, you experience the feeling of self satisfaction. Beauty can also be synonymous with power. With power, you can get everything that you wish to have. So with beauty. When one possesses the standard beauty of society, she could have everything she wants. It is because, society only values what the eyes can see.

A lot of women in the world considered themselves as ugly. A lot of women hate their self, their nose, their chin, their lips, their body. They hate everything they see in the mirror. Why? It is because being ugly is a punishment in this society. You see, when you’re fat, black, or short, you still need to prove yourself and your worth to people around you. In order for them to accept you and for you to have a happy life. But if you have the standard beauty of society, even at first glance everyone will like you already without struggling to gain their respect and acceptance.

Beauty is everything in this wold. Nobody will fall in love with your brain and your inside without considering the outside first. But it’s not true that you are ugly. In fact, you’re the most beautiful creation in this world. You don’t have to wear make ups, or wear fancy clothes. You don’t need to have flat stomach and big boobs. You don’t have to straight your curly hair. You don’t have to put whitening cream to make you fair. It is because you are beautiful by just being you. You are unique in your own special way. You are beautiful despite your imperfection. It is not you that is ugly, society is.

19th of June year 2015

I’m just on my first week of vacation after a very tiring and deadly semester. I spent my first 5 days of freedom just inside my room with my laptop. I let time pass through browsing my facebook newsfeed and reading various tweets on twitter.

Before I was free from all the research papers, reports, exams and stuff, I told myself I am going to have an unforgettable break. I would go travel in places I’ve never been before. I would write and read books. I would study for my semester. But everything was just a mere imagination. I ended up travelling to different websites, writing and reading facebook statuses of people, and studying how to waste time. I am completely bored. I can’t do everything I want to do because I don’t have money to travel. I’m so tired to get up to bed and let the sun kiss me. I just want to stay inside my room and lock myself there.

But something came into my mind as I back read my tumblr post 3 years ago. I want to start a blog. I want to write something. Thou I’m not really good in writing, it’s been my escape to all these thoughts inside my burning mind. That’s why I created this blog.

I don’t know what this blog will be talking about for the rest of the break. Maybe my sentiments on things I hate, things I like, and maybe stories of my life experiences. Maybe I will also talk about psychology stuff since this is a diary of a psychology student. I honestly don’t know what topic to write first. And I admit that I’m not really good in writing particularly in English. I just hope I can commit to this blog.